๐Ÿ‘‰ DrSmashlove ๐Ÿ‘Œ drsmashlove

Unlicensed Gynecologist ๐ŸŒท Memes + musings on life, love + smashing ๐Ÿ‘ซ Please DM for pic credit! ๐Ÿ“ธ Chicago ๐ŸŒƒ Syria relief - click link โค

TOTAL POSTS 1965 FOLLOWERS 256877 FOLLOWING 98
Shout to u pretty young ladies that's gon show up to brunch in a hoodie with the hood up, I fucks with y'all. That hood up tells me everything I need to know. Don't tell me the story - I know it already. (1) It was either your birthday or your best friend's birthday or it was nobody birthday but your name is Kirsten (girls named Kirsten go hard every weekend, and most weekdays. There's no explanation for this. It's just factual. If your name is Kirsten u will go absolutely hard AF on a Tuesday for no reason. Not even Fat Tuesday. Just like, next Tuesday. But I digress.). (2) The night started with shots when some frat boys offered to buy u and your squad a round and it snowballed from there. (3) Tables were danced on. (4) Undergarments were removed and u briefly paused because you're on your period, so it stands to reason that panties should be worn for the rest of the night, but u flung them anyway. (5) Karaoke was sung; likely six (6) Rihanna songs back to back. (6) Oral sex occurred in the back of a UBER. (6) Half of the shenanigans were documented on a well-edited snap story. To all u girls in hoodies with the hood up, still marinating in a mix of perspiration and sex fluids from last night, I salute y'all. U made it to brunch. The Angel of Death literally carried u to the restaurant so u could have your egg white omelette and wheat toast. Rest assured baby girl if I see u and your squad, u exactly the girl imma talk to. Your friend Emily who showered and applied make-up? She got nothing I want. That's too much preparation. Too put together. Imma come directly to u, get your number, date u, and then propose to u, so when we at the rehearsal dinner at Girl and the Goat, Emily can be all "SMASH MET KIRSTEN WHEN WE WERE AT BRUNCH AT SNAGGLETOOTH ON SOUTHPORT. KIRSTEN WAS A LITERAL MESS LOL - LIKE I CAN'T EVEN SAY WHAT HAPPENED THE NIGHT BEFORE - BUT LET'S JUST SAY SHE WAS IN ROUGH SHAPE LOLOL." Exactly, Emily. Go head. Embarrass TF out of Kirsten. All that crazy she did before me just make me love her crazy ass more ๐Ÿ˜. She led a crazy life but she mines now...Till the Angel of Death โšฐ๏ธ (or divorce court ๐Ÿ’ฐ) do us part. Bless up! ๐Ÿ†—๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
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7481 | 130 | 46 minutes ago
LADIES GETCHU A MANS WITH A SNAKE IN HIS PANTS AND A PUPPER IN HIS COAT ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
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25102 | 425 | 4 hours ago
When u a pupper but u also a fresh-baked brown-n-serve roll ๐Ÿž #FinnaButterYou #ThenImFinnaEatYou ๐Ÿ†—๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
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25370 | 382 | 15 hours ago
Say Bruh shout to the pretty lil Irish girl on the stairmaster next to me right now sweating like a pregnant woman at a buffet on a hot summer night - homegirl ain't dumping no buckets of normal sweat Bruh this girl right here dumping an ENTIRE keg of beer out of her sweat glands - like...baby girl - real talk - I got one question - how many beers did u drink last night? Like six? Or sixteen? Because u got the face of a noble Irish lass from the countryside of Dublin whose father, William FitzWilliam of Williamsburg, owns a modest potato farm. Like real talk I fucks with your pretty blue eyes, petite stature and determined glare, climbing these steps like u trying to erase the memory of downing enuf beers to make four college linebackers drunk but how u let your sweat glands on a Saturday morning smell like a German Brewhaus? U all of 108 pounds but u sweating like a 54 year old male from Bavaria named Hans who got grey hair on his knuckles, and coming out of his ears ๐Ÿ‘‚. Now look baby girl u gonna hit that shower and scrub up with some of that Tom's of Maine Relaxing Lavender soap and u gon hit the reset button on this entire episode but I know the truth, cute south side Irish girl: and that truth is that u could win a beer drinking contest against any two (2) men in this city. Go head Colleen. I ain't mad at u. Matter fact Colleen let's have chirren. Let's develop a super breed of mixed humans that's athletic, attractive, and have a total resistance to alcoholic beverages. I feel like this would be an asset in an apocalypse when zombies are taking over, like the kids could drink an entire gallon of Jameson to cleanse the zombie virus and still be ok. Tipsy, but ok ๐Ÿ‘ถ. Let's do this Colleen. Marriage on a grass covered cliff in your home country. There will be beer there. Lots ๐Ÿ˜. Bless up! ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ช ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
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58200 | 1094 | 1 day ago
The look on my face when a girl come fresh out the shower, unwrap her hair, and the tips drop down and wet her Tetas #DearLord #YourServantIsWeak #ForgiveMe #ForTheRatchetTingsImmaDoToThisWoman ๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
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47265 | 913 | 1 day ago
Say Bruh shout to u ladies that's gon leave a half-eaten pack of Chips Ahoy Cinnamon Sugar Thins in the coffee room I see y'all. See Bruh smash understands women. I know exactly what happened there. U bought that pack of cookies like "ah yes delicious, plus they're 'thin' - I'll have one at a time as a snack and feel thin and great and healthy โ˜บ๏ธ." Then what did yo pretty ass do. U ate half the pack in one sitting ๐Ÿ˜‚. That sugar high hit u hard and fast and u uploaded a hilarious four part snap story and then u crashed and now u need three coffees just to wake back up and u just like "not today, Jesus" and put the rest of them cookies in the coffee room with a kindly written post-it saying "help yourself! ๐Ÿ™‚" Translation: "I have no self control, please eat these before I my pants no longer fit and I gotta convert to pregnancy pants with the elastic waist" ๐Ÿ˜ซ. So with that said let me remind y'all of a golden rule: white sugar is like alcohol for your body - pure poison. Cut that shit straight out. At your desk imma need you to keep nuts and vegetables. Just that. Pound them peanuts, walnuts, almonds, carrots and cucumbers like your life depend on it. And watch your energy levels go up, your waist size go down, and u get that lil spring in your step. Cut the sugar, cut the carbs, eat some protein, fat and veggies and watch your whole life improve. Ya get me! This shit ain't hard. Being sexy ain't hard. It's YOU that's filling yourself with poison. That poison is ok on a cheat meal but not daily, ya get me! In 2017 let's all eat good drink good and fvck good, more life more health more blessings. ๐Ÿ†—! Bless ๐Ÿ†™ ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
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40900 | 858 | 1 day ago
Prison bars ain't no type of life for a beautiful pup! Adopt don't shop ya get me! Bless up ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ™Œ
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36774 | 336 | 1 day ago
(@highfiveexpert) FINNA BE IN THE 60s ALL WKND IN CHICAGO BRUH I'M DOING SWIM TRUNKS AND TIMBERLANDS ALL DAY IT'S THAT LIT #SunsOut #GunsOut #LadiesBringThemBunsOut #LetsPartyLikeIts1999 #LehGo ๐ŸŒž๐ŸŒโ˜€๏ธ๐Ÿž๐Ÿ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
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37401 | 420 | 2 days ago
When it's Thursday afternoon and the week ain't over yet but u mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally checked out so u curl up on yourself and literally die because you're literally dead ๐Ÿ˜ซ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
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59184 | 1400 | 2 days ago
(@theamericanizedfrench) When u a cat but u also a sock dildo #WhoDidDis #WhomseMansIsDis #HasScienceGoneTooFar ๐Ÿค”๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
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52408 | 2526 | 3 days ago
How my girl look at me when she extremely mad at me but also want the dih. Bae: "I fvcking hate you. I've never hated someone as much as I hate you. Why the FVCK did I ever decide to date you. YOU DON'T DESERVE ME. I wanna ... UGH! I WANNA KILL YOU!!!" Also bae: "Baby why do we fight. Baby. Come here. Baby? My tongue wants your urgst kikh akh uhhh mmmmmm *slob* brbst blochh ohhhh daddy..." #situationships #ProblemSolver #FightEnder #NaturalOrganicThroatLozenge #GoodJobBaby #WeLoveEachOtherAgainRight #Right ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
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29744 | 387 | 3 days ago
Women: "I hate drama." Also women: "WHAT HE SAY NEXT GURRRRRRRRRRL ๐Ÿธโ˜•๏ธ." ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
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47751 | 733 | 3 days ago
Ride with me, pupper. Ride with me. Let's face the open road together. Let's stop at Arby's and snack on processed roast beef-shaped meat product with extra BBQ sauce and curly fries. Let's hit gas station rest stops in small towns with that "cappuccino" machine that doesn't make cappuccinos but instead poops out an over-sweetened, frothy, milky coffee substance that ties your stomach in knots but low key taste good AF. Let me introduce u to my favorite records from Gucci Mane, 21 Savage, and maybe a lil Muddy Waters. Oooooh I surprised u with that last one, didn't I pupper ... see papa has diverse and eclectic musical tastes โ˜บ๏ธ. Let me bust out a joint I rolled before the trip and blow this extremely good kush while we cruise at an altitude of 70 mph, pupper. Don't worry I'll roll down the windows and hit that sunroof, I can't imagine weed is good for puppies ๐Ÿ˜‹. Pupper, I wanna cruise with you all the time. Will you be my lil ride or die homie on this journey of life? You complete me, pupper. You complete me ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
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44479 | 757 | 3 days ago
WHEN U A PUPPY BUT U ALSO A HUSH PUPPIE #LetMeEatYou ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
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44715 | 1353 | 4 days ago
(@thenewsclan) Why this lil duck look like Kelsey, age 23, three credits away from obtaining a psychology degree, attended Coachella once, "is finally ready to experience Burning Man", charges $23 worth of food from the Whole Foods salad bar to her daddy's credit card like it's nothing, and reflects on dropping acid last summer as "the most formative experience of her adult life" #GoHeadKelsey #iLoveYourExperimentation #ComeExperimentWithDisDih #LetMeChangeYoLifeAgain ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
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32997 | 663 | 4 days ago
This bunny is how I feel when I take a shower at a girl's crib and all she got is extremely girly shower products *strolls into works smelling of rose, hibiscus, coconut and daffodils* *feels chakras aligning as delicate, dainty and LeBeautiful feminine fragrance notes tease my nostrils and soothe my spirit* *namaste AF* ๐ŸŒบ ๐ŸŒน ๐ŸŒธ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
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46306 | 920 | 4 days ago
Say Bruh shout to u lovey dovey motherfuckers that's gon risk it all tonight. Y'all know who the hell y'all are, don't pretend. Y'all in love. With that girl Stephanie who work down the hall. Or that girl Melissa who u work with at the mall. Or Emily from science class. Whoever she is, u in love, and u chose Valentine's Day to come out of the closet and risk it all and let her know. U got your flowers ready. Your chocolates. A nicely written card in hand writing, which nobody even write any more (real talk? I haven't hand written anything since 2011 ๐Ÿ˜‚. Like when iMessage brought in doodles, I had to re-learn how to write letters ๐Ÿ˜ซ). But anyway, u got your whole situation ready, and u gon risk it all. Game winner at the buzzer from half court. Today? A lot of Stephanie's, Melissa's and Emily's gon learn that u MADLY in love with her ass. Now there's a 1 in 1,000 chance she like u back, and she gon be thrilled. The other 999 gon be hella uncomfortable and no offense but tonight? U gon be their snap story Bruh ๐Ÿ˜‚. Pic: roses and chocolates. Over-text: "OMG Nick you are the sweetest friend I could ask for!!!" And just like that yo chest gon cave in and u gon lose your breath which hasn't happened since the ball hit u in the stomach in third grade kickball. Two important lessons will be learned today. First, nick, u gon learn he hard way to keep it G ๐Ÿ˜‚. Being lovey dovey is a wonderful trait but it's a time and a place and u gotta first make sure you're in there. U feel me? For all the young ladies, u gon be like "FML I REALLY LIKE PEDRO WHY COULDN'T HE BE THE ONE TO GET ME FLOWERS ๐Ÿ˜ซ". Because baby. Pedro ain't about shit. Pedro never bringing u flowers. YOU COULD HAVE HIS BABY AND NO FLOWERS ๐Ÿ˜‚. So today u gon learn a important lesson - it's gon be men who adore u but u don't like them, and it's gon be men u adore but they don't see u anything as late night Punani. The key is to find a man in the middle, who gets your heart racing and also treat u how u need to be treated. Don't settle for Nick OR Pedro - be patient and u gon find a man who do both. Ya get me! Bless up ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
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39577 | 785 | 4 days ago
(@hoegivesnofucks) *sleazy uncle Tony voice* HAPPY VALENTIME'S TO ALL THE LADIES WITH PRETTY TOES ๐Ÿ‘ด๐Ÿฝ #GoHeadUncleTony #OlCreepyAss ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
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53463 | 1846 | 5 days ago
PAWSHANK REDEMPTION *drops microphone* *enthusiastically does the Dougie* *hits that Nae Nae* *retires* ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
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52419 | 1791 | 5 days ago
See this is the problem. Average person sees this pic and thinks: "wow, adorable, real bunny meets stuffed bunny, goals ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ˜." Not me. I imagine the real bunny being named Jose. And Jose sees a grey rabbit and thinks that rabbit is trying to take over his block. So he rolls up on the grey rabbit like "Aye pendejo - what set u claim, essay. Is u gang or not, essay. Essay? Jew theenk u can juss come around and hang out on my corner and be all quiet, buttercup? Leesten essay, I ain't afraid of jail, puto. I been to jail...jail excites me. Jew think I'm afraid of jail essay lemme show u how I do u in the shower, buttercup...lemme introduce u to my LEETO FREN..." #RabbitConvos #ImAnIdiot #IgnoreMe #Halp ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
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28369 | 513 | 5 days ago
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